Ryan S

Living In A Box

While sailing on the open seas, the winds were strong after recently departing from land. Excitement abounded, the winds were strong, and the crew was eager to set out to wherever we decided to go.
Now though the winds have died down, we have settled in, and the excitement has waned to a large degree. We are can't go anywhere, but we want to.

I have officially reached the doldroms of college. I am partially to blame for this, having decided to live in a house this year as opposed to the dorms; however, I believe that this is a point everyone must reach sometime. I have essentially stopped meeting new people, and any goal I am working for is so far in the future that I can not see to see it right now.

I'm not saying that I haven't had fun in these past few weeks--it's just that the fun has been so fleeting since there has been nothing really to look forward to. It seems the only thing that gives me any lasting satisfaction right now is school. I just took my first exam of the semester on friday and was very happy to believe that I had done exceptionally on it.

Now as I settle into my box, I find it very uncomfortable and I find that the relationships I have with most of the people I know are going nowhere they haven't been before and it's time to move on and stop wasting time driving down dead ends.

So I guess that's what I have to do. I need not to hang out with certain people because that's just what I do. I need to make a new connections and be excited about life once again. I need to stop going to the same parties every week. Gawd, if I didn't have a curriculum I had to follow it would be so easy just to get up and leave. How is it that at a college with 25,000 undergraduates, it can seem smaller than high school?

Anyway, reading On The Road right now isn't helping me to be satisfied with where I am right now, but it certainly isn't the root cause of this dissatisfaction. I need to break the curse of being "that guy" and become once again "the new guy".

Anyway, passing thoughts, hope you all are making new connections and branching out like a river delta. Lata.

Posted by ryan at September 10, 2005 03:46 PM