Ryan S

Good Morning Starshine

Well, it is currently the morning (afternoon technically) of July 4, 2004. Today is the 228th birthday of this great nation, and it is the first day of the rest of your lives.

If there is one--okay maybe two--things that make the fourth what it is, they are drunken barbeques and fireworks. Drunken barbeques are always fun because people do funny stuff that they later regret. Fireworks are fun because the fourth of July is the only day when explosions make people happy. On most days the sound of thousands of explosions all around would scare people to death. On the fourth there is a happy connotation to all hell breaking loose. Really, if you think about it, fireworks are Americas way of flexing its military muscles without being too overt. The fireworks undoubtedly symbolize "the bombs bursting in air" and America's military victory over Britain.

The fourth of July is also, though, a holiday of differing significance. Not only does it celebrate the birthday of the U S of A, but it is important to people such as teachers and students and farmers etc...
For farmers, they are told that their corn should be "knee high by the fourth of July" (unless it's genetically modified--in that case head high). For students and teachers, the fourth of July marks a turning point in the summer. This is when the summer is about half over and everything starts on its way back towards normalcy.

I'm not sure if this is necessarily true, but I don't think it would be dumb to say that the fourth is the United States holiday in which there is the most widespread sex. I mean, the thought of fireworks going off and all that shit just reminds people of sex.

Well, I hope to go to the pool today and if any of you get the urge in the pool, just remember to wear a rubber because it counts as an article of clothing if the police come.