A few important issues.
I wish I was still unemployed.
MEGA
Summer school is probably the stupidest thing I've ever done. 5 weeks of 9:00 a.m. M-F for like 3 hours=me not going ever and probably getting like an F+. The plus means better.
MAN
If you heard that I'm growing a moustache, it's all a big lie. The moustache is growing me.
NINE
I have quit my attempt to quit quitting things. This means I am working towards pro-social behavior instead of my own beliefs of what pro-social actually should be, caaaaause socities view of pro-social behavior is kind of not so pro-social. So in other words, I'm attempting to conform, again, to shit that I shouldn't have to conform to. And yes, this needs to be as vague as I'm typing it.
HOLY
I'm going to be in the North Carolina, Virginia area starting next tuesday for 10 days?, so everyone I know who lives there better watch out, cause there is a less than 1% chance I will see you.
SHIT
The list of reading materials have been finalized, with the Odessey joining the other three titles. But I will be workshopping some previous work of mine and thinking of ideas for Erik!!!!!! and I's project, Tommy and I's project, Becker and I's project, etc... and I's project, and my own stuff, poems, short (ish) stories, and coming up with a potential independent project class.
DUDE
My fantasy baseball teams are both now tied for 1st place. B-Bone 1.0, I will give you details of my roster during all-star break because there is this thing that happens whenever I write about a certain player(s) on my fantasy teams that causes them to like die (In Javon Walkers case), so just wait.
!
Love, Rob
P.S. if you are interested, that fantasy story I talked about like 23432423 blogs ago is posted in the extended entry below. This was the one that I handed to my class with two different titles in an attempt to do a psychological research project for my psych behavior class, but there were too many confounding variables to actually have a real, true theory. This is probably my least favorite of the stories I have written, but towards the end it sets up for a second part that could be epic, so that's cool.
The Final Legend of Old Blade Supremacy X
DAY 1
Found buried in his own blood, nearly fatal from his escape from Death Camp, Santaclies’ life was in great peril. During his time in Death Camp, Santaclies was tortured and experimented on. The proctors prodded, shocked, burned, spanked, sliced, drugged, dragged and whipped him without time constraint. Whenever Santaclies got the urge to resist, the brain fragger inserted inside of his cerebrum kept him in check. Living as a vegetable, he wasn’t aware that he was being punished. The only thoughts that crossed Santaclies mind were purely instinctual. He knew to eat, drink, shit, sleep and survive.
Suddenly, Santaclies snapped. Unconscious from an internal battle during his apparent struggle of escape, Santaclies unknowingly killed his proctor, and tore down the steel fencing, and scaled the walls out. He was chased by behemoth guard dogs and stealth knights. Running to nowhere, Santaclies managed to escape easily. His path out could be seen due to the trail of blood, destruction and dead bodies.
Upon return from his duties, Squire Pi discovered the cadaver of Santaclies in the forest. Squire Pi humped the body all the way back to his hideout. Pi rested the lifeless body along the side of the stone fort wall. This John Doe body had a limited pulse and chest compressions. Squire Pi gathered his strength and continued to take him to the altar.
“I found this man on the outskirts of the forest; his life force is just about gone.”
“It is a simple will of the gods you found this body, my good apprentice,” Moz the healer spoke.
“Is this him?”
“I believe so. I will heal him. When I am finished, could you please carry him to Abe?”
“Yes sir, please let me know if I can be of service in any other way.”
“No that won’t be necessary, just wait outside…on your way, could you grab my book of white magic? I may need to dig up some old spells to cure this wound on his head. He appears to be hemorrhaging.”
“This one?” Pi nodded as he grabbed the large, dragon scale encrusted scroll. Handing it to Moz, Pi bowed and said a prayer before he left.
The moment they were alone, Moz cast his spells on Santaclies. Simultaneously in flow with the words, Santaclies rose up, muttered something about valor, and looked off into space. Upon further inspection of his own hands, Santaclies wiggled his foot on to the floor, then looked Moz directly in the eye.
“Are you an angel?” Santaclies silently spoke with a look of borderline bewilderment.
“No sir, you are in Priormedia Fort, location of the Outlanders.”
“Outlanders? What? Where am I? Who are you?” Incoherently, he looked Moz up and down, questioning if he should kill him or not. Moz was wearing a white tunic and silk bean cap. He then grabbed his shoulder and asked “Are you a medic?”
“I am a healer sir, I cure people with injuries, such as you. This is my Dream Rod. This is what I use to summon magic to cure people.” Moz nearly swallowed his tongue and fearfully demanded a request from Santaclies. “I realize that you have just woken up, but could you please go see our leader? It is imperative that you speak to him this very moment. Squire Pi, who carried your lifeless body to me, will take you.” Santaclies, puzzled, thanked Moz for his life saving abilities and then left without a word. Turning around behind the closed door, Pi hurried to Santaclies’ side and took him to a humble looking straw and stone tower. After trudging through three floors, the two arrived at their destination.
“SANTACLIES! Thou art alive!” A very large man bellowed as he jumped from his seat. Rushing towards the door, the man moved his hand towards Santaclies. Santaclies’ face soured as he grabbed the sword from the holster on the beltline of the very large man.
Holding the sword to his throat, Santaclies snidely shouted “Who art thou?” The large man bellowed a confident laugh, took off his gloves, and grabbed the tip of the blade with his bare hand. As he calmly yanked the sword from Santaclies hand, a look of terror filled Santaclies’ face. There was not one drop of blood or even a skinline from the blade on his gargantuan hand.
“I am Abe Slayer, Dragon Knight and leader of the Outlanders. I take it you have lost your memory. GUARDS! TAKE THIS MAN TO THE INFIRMARY! He needs a defragged brain.”
“Hell no, you’re not touching me, and I’m not leaving until I… AAAAAAAUUUURRRRRRAAAAHHHH!” Santaclies suddenly collapsed to the floor. As he passed out, his last line of memory was of Pi and another man grabbing his shoulders. While dreaming, he saw the image of a young woman, singing and dancing. The faint view of her violet shaded face kept him puzzled.
“Because you are my only hope,” was all that was inside of him.
“Hast thou risen?” Santaclies awoke to the voice of Moz standing next to Abe. “Thou hast gone through enough today, however I digress, you need to know what has happened and who you are. I will leave the two of you to talk, but if either of you men needs me, I will be in the altar praying.”
Abe towered over the broken willed Santaclies. “What the fuck do you want? Just kill me please” Santaclies pleaded, his eyes focused on the new urine stain on the tiled floor.
“Oh no. Sir, you do not comprehend yet. You have lost your memory. I do not know if I can be of help, but allow for me to do my part. You are a member of our tribune. You were to be my apprentice in the arts of the Dragon. You took the path of the Ninja, and trained along side Nightstalker. The two of you went on a stealth mission into Lord Slip’s castle to get the Scroll of Bamma the night prior to your induction to the school of the Knights. After you two stole the scroll, you decided to stay longer and loot the chamber of treasure. It was then that you were captured by Lord Slip and his army. I don’t know how you were captured or anything of the sort, but you were. Knowing that you were a member of our resistance force, they kept you at their testing lab, where we assume they interrogated you and conducted many experiments on you. They put a brain fragger inside of you, which controls you and your emotions. That is how they kept you there for as long as they did. It is a miracle that you are alive. How did you escape?”
“…I don’t know…all I see when I close my eyes is a woman, singing and dancing with me. Her voice is calm and soothing. Then she speaks about trouble, and the only thing I can decipher is ‘You are my only hope’.” A look of failure filled the face of the seemingly infant mind of Santaclies. In the distance, Santaclies heard the familiar sound of an opening window.
“HA! So this is where they keep the losers, eh?” A man emerged from outside the window, wearing a black hooded skin tight robe with a red scarf and katana handle.
“This must be Nightstalker. I recognize that uniform anywhere. I seem to be remembering things a little bit,” Santaclies mumbled.
“Yes, we removed the brain fragger from your head” Abe spoke. “Your memories will return to you soon, hopefully after a good nights sleep. I wish there was magic to fix it, but we haven’t been able to decipher the scrolls well enough to return your memories from when you were in the Death Camp up until the time we removed it. I do not believe you even remember that it was Squire Pi who found you almost dead and Moz the Healer who used his magic to save you” Abe explained. The look of puzzlement never dropped from Santaclies’ face. Abe extended a blanket and pillow to Santaclies.
“Santaclies, you have been through a lot. However, we need you more then ever. My sister has been captured and will be executed in 2 days, during the 137th Annual Happy Funtimes Festival. We must save her and the rest of this world from Lord Slip. It is only a matter of time before they start experimenting on the town’s people and have the entire world controlled. I am asking you to join us again. When you regain your memories, you will see…”
“WHAT? I’m just supposed to risk my life for nothing? I’ve been through enough, why should I help? You didn’t even come find me!” Santaclies smugged.
“As I was saying before you rudely interrupted, when all your memories return, you will hopefully see that you have more in this than you know. If you are going to leave us, I insist that you at least sleep through the night and leave in the morning so you are fully recovered.” Abe turned towards Nightstalker for encouragement. Nightstalker could only provide shame and sarcasm.
“Oh good friend of mine, I don’t know if I can handle losing my best friend for a 3rd time,” Nightstalker stopped, looked at Abe, smirked, and then turned back around. “Please, for our future come with us. We did save you. But it shouldn’t be about that. It should be about wanting to save humanity, not being a selfish shellfish.” Nightstalker is Hilarious.
“Fine, I am pretty tired. I feel bad, but I just don’t fucking care. I hope that makes sense.” Santaclies didn’t make any sense, but when one is in the middle of gaining back twenty-four years of memories; his brain is given an excuse for having a lapse of comprehension.
As Abe and Nightstalker left, Santaclies laid himself to sleep, with wonder and a series of “What the fucks?” The night of sleep was like a reoccurring dream. Every single memory of his past hit him all at once. Santaclies had never done LSD, but this must have been what a “flashback” some of his drug using friends talked about was like.
There was only one thing that Santaclies could focus on. A woman named Kim. Kim was a slender, shadow-black haired woman. Santaclies knew everything about her. Rolling in the bed, twisting and turning he finally was able to calm himself down. The first scene in his mind he could stay with was when he was 16. He had just joined the Academy of Treble, known world wide for its training in sorcery and sword play. On his 2nd day, Santaclies traveled alone to the cooks’ house to get his duties assigned to him. Before he arrived, he heard a scuffle down the alleyway.
“HELP, SOMEONE HELP!” Kim yelled. Without thinking, Santaclies sprinted swiftly into the darkness to see Kim being attacked by three young cadets.
“You have two options. You can either let us take your virginity and money, or we will take your life, virginity and money, in that order” the rapists said.
After hearing this, Santaclies drew out his wooden training sword and bashed the rapists in the head quickly. Kim ran into his arms and sobbed franticly. The sound of a clinking sword was the only thing that distorted the sounds of her cries. With the hairs on his back raised, Santaclies turned around to see a blade at his neck.
“What business do you have touching my sister? I will kill you in the name of God,” Abe Slayer said. Quivering with fear, Santaclies bowels released. Before Abe could stab forward, Kim ran into Abe’s arms.
“Stop Brother, he saved my life!” Kim whined. Abe stared his sister in her eyes before putting his sword back. “I apologize,” Abe said. “Thank you for saving my sister.” Abe then walked off into the lightness, leaving Kim and Santaclies alone.
Kim loved Santaclies from the moment she saw him. Kim was the kind of woman that could be shown off. She was intelligent, rich, beautiful and had a nice ass. It wasn’t long before the two of them started to date. Their first date took place at the school carnival. Santaclies tried his best to win Kim a prize without using his awesome ninja skills. Carnival games were known to be rigged, and throwing a rock at three milk bottles was a challenge.
Kim got fired up when Santaclies couldn’t even hit the targets. “Come on, you can’t even hit the bottles? Aren’t you supposed to be a ninja? Don’t you throw things? Isn’t that part of your job description!?” Kim always knew how to get Santaclies’ goat.
“Oh please Kim, my major is in silence. I’m not even minoring in throwing. I don’t need to, I’m so smooth at stalking someone I could wear stilts and a clown suit with flaming torches and I could still sneak up on someone and kill them.” Santaclies got hit in the pride though. So he paid for an extra ticket to try again. He hit the targets. He was awarded a turkey.
“See my fair lady, I did that for you.”
“You cheater, I saw you knock them down with your hands.” Abe had taught Kim how to see things by using all of her senses. She had felt Santaclies completely miss the target, and then shadow dance to the bottles and knock them over. “I can’t believe you cheated to win. You are such a loser” Kim teased.
“Hey, come on now, I did my best.” Santaclies’ face lit up like hippies on 420. A big smirk showed. Kim shook her head and giggled to herself. The flirting continued for hours on end. The two shared their first kiss underneath the pavilion after an hour of holding hands.
The two of them went through all of the dating trials and tribulations. Things got very serious between the two of them. Whenever Santaclies wasn’t training or messing around with his fellow cadets, he was with Kim. They did everything together for years. When it came time for Santaclies to be promoted, he honorably decided to become a Dragon Knight, like Abe, Abe and Kim’s father, and further along the generational line. To graduate into Knighthood, he had to do perform a trial ritual. He decided it was time to get serious. He went over to Abe’s tower to discuss his future plans.
“Santaclies, I understand that you are interested in joining the ranks of the Dragon Knights. I would be proud if you became my first apprentice, please come in.” Abe motioned for Santaclies to enter his room.
“Oh yes, sir. It would be my honor; I’d love to become a Dragon Knight, Abe. But I have to finish my trial ritual with Nightstalker. We have to Rob Moore of the Castle. Oh and Abe. To thank you for allowing me to be your first apprentice, I will show my love and trust for you with this knowledge. I am asking your sister to be my wife in a few moments…you are the first to know. This ring I have isn’t very big but the one I’m stealing tonight is gigantic. It is the King’s grandmothers. Don’t tell Kim!” Abe promised he would keep his word on the souls of his mother, father and his dragon valor. So Santaclies dashed away to confess his love for Kim. Santaclies actually bought this ring. He loved her so much he used his own stolen money to purchase it.
When Santaclies arrived at Kim’s window, he jumped inside in a flash. Without any warning, he jumped right behind her and kissed her on the back of her neck. She turned around and slapped his ass, moaning “Hey lover”. She turned around while winking and she had a sucker in her mouth, and then proceeded to sway her hips as she sauntered away from him.
“Hey, I’m being serious; don’t make me talk in Old English”.
“What is bothering you?” Kim’s face was ghostly white. Santaclies locked his eyes in the air, held his breath and slowly got down on one knee.
“Kim Slayer, will you marry me?” Santaclies whimpered with the confidence of a hound dog.
“Yes! Oh Santaclies!” She knelt beside him, eyes welling with tears of extreme joy. “I’m so happy!”
The fiancés went into Kim’s room and helped each other change into their swimsuits. They went into the warm bath and celebrated with Champagne and strawberries. The two made whoopee for the first time in the tub. Soon after the celebration, Santaclies came down to reality and focused on the task at hand.
“I will see you later my love, I shall return to you to plan our wedding, I have business to take care of first.” Santaclies never conversed with her again. He went off to discover what Nightstalker’s plan was. As a trained Ninja, Santaclies managed to get into his fort without effort.
Nightstalker, calmly turned around, and snarled “Hmpf, you suck at sneaking up on people; you’ll have to do better later tonight at the castle,” Nightstalker explained that they were going to scale the East wall, slay 4 guards, and break the door down, all in 30 seconds, to get the Scrolls. “That’s all we got. Get the Scrolls to pass class.” Nightstalker’s face turned red and he proceeded to blush. “I’m not going to lie, you actually scared the hell out of me. You are ready for this shit, let’s go.”
Traveling to the castle, Nightstalker and Santaclies figured out how they were going to break into the castle on the fly. Traveling into the castle was a breeze. The wall, deaths and searching lasted 20 seconds. Scrolls in hand, Nightstalker said “Congrats, you’ve just become eligible for Dragon Knighthood.” Filled with foolish pride, Santaclies explained that he intended to steal the ring from the treasury room.
“I have it taken care of. All that I have to do is get in there, jump in and out of the window. I can handle it. Go on ahead without me.” Santaclies darted away to the throne room before Nightstalker could even begin to speak. Nightstalker said “screw it” and left with the scrolls. Santaclies quickly arrived in the room and stole the ring. Putting it inside of his violet scarf, Santaclies jumped victoriously into the window, where he saw Kim running into the gates. Santaclies was horrified at the sight of her being spotted by the guards. Kim was captured before Santaclies could even blink.
“Holy Shit! Wha…tth..the?...” Santaclies fell from the window with a dart in his freaking neck. “GOT HIM!” A lowly pipeman screamed, pumping his fists. The last thing Santaclies remembered was a proctor in yellow, scalpel in hand, slicing his cerebrum in two.
Santaclies awoke, startled by the familiar sound of stealth. Nightstalker stood ahead of him. “So have you regained your memories yet? If you have, you know that you must come with us to save Kim. See you tomorrow.” Santaclies knew that the mysterious Nightstalker was just being his usual dramatic self. Nightstalker had a good point Santaclies figured. It was time for him quit being a pussy. He got up out of bed and headed to Abe’s room for his decision.
Outside of Abe’s door, Santaclies saw a thin man in a purple suit with a feather in his metallic purple hat counting money. “Oh my god, Fluff, how long has it been?”
Daddy Fluff, Pimp of the town, gave a snicker. “Who is this guy? Haven’t seen you in a while. Heard you got an anal probe or something. Are you going to help them? Yea I figured you would, assuming you want to marry Kim. Haha, man I love it, you better do it, cause if you don’t, I’ma save her myself and Pimp her out man. Just kiddin, juss kiddin man.” Fluff talked at Santaclies for a few moments as Santaclies’ arm touched the door handle. With the door open, Santaclies quickly covered his eyes. The view of his soon to be brother-in-law in bed with Encienda, the town Ho, slapping each others thighs is not something he ever wanted to see.
“You horn-ball…I come here to tell you I’m going to save my fiancé and you are with a ho? Tisk Tisk…goodnight, see you bright and early.” Santaclies walked out smiling ear to ear. Abe was smiling too.
DAY 2
To wake up early in the morning, the entire crew of men drank a liter of water before they went to bed. The day would be filled with travel, explanation and most importantly, rest. Santaclies had almost no idea what the plan was for the upcoming battle, but he was willing to do his part, no matter what. Santaclies startled himself with the sensation of having to piss like a racehorse. Santaclies kicked his legs up and flung himself out of bed. He stretched his legs very firmly toward the floor, gaining his balance from the lightheaded feeling he always got when he stood up from long lasting downtime. Rubbing his eyes while pulling on the door handle to enter the hallway, Santaclies noticed that he was among the last to wake up. The line for the bathroom was very long. Santaclies accidentally let a trickle of urine slip down his leg, giving his pants the illusion that he pissed himself.
“So what is the plan?” Santaclies said in a fulfilling feel of refreshment as he proceeded to piss in the adjacent urinal from Abe and Pi. Pi made a quick comment about the stains on Santaclies’ pants before Abe spoke.
“Well, the only possible way to get to the castle is by taking our pirate ship there. There are guards surrounding the nearby forests and mountains. So it will take about an entire day to get there. Lord Slip is expecting radicals during the 137th Annual Happy Funtimes Festival, so the guards are on high alert. There will be two drop off points. I will lead a small army outside of the castle walls where there should be a large battle between our men and Lord Slip’s army. You and Nightstalker will be dropped off behind the castle and should split up upon arrival and meet back the next day, I guess.” Abe never understood why they should meet the next day. It was due to Ninja code. You never know when you or your partner must stay hidden for long periods of time.
The men left the bathroom for the trail that led to the port. The crew members chatted on the road. There didn’t seem to be any problems with Santaclies’ memories. He had truly regained all of the possible memories that he could have. The magic and surgeries had done their tricks. He had gained not just a new life, but a new beginning to his old life. During his discussions with Nightstalker and his past night of sleep, Santaclies regained himself and his purpose. He had something that many people are not given. A true second chance. Santaclies was given time to think about the past and reevaluate everything about how things have changed due to the new events. The evolution of thinking was taking place.
Santaclies and Nightstalker discussed the wedding they had been previously planning while on the trail. Nightstalker was to be Santaclies’ best man at the wedding. When Kim was kidnapped, Nightstalker was heartbroken. Not only was Santaclies Nightstalker’s best friend, they were heterosexual life partners. The two complimented each other much like beer and even more beer. They talked about women, argued about sports, and joked about who the biggest losers were at school. They also killed a shit ton of people together. They were the schools best assassin ninjas. The two reminisced about their times from the past like they always would after they had returned from long missions. Nightstalker told him a quick story about his adventure after the night he was kidnapped.
After he saw Santaclies run off, Nightstalker hurried home to turn in his reporting. This may make Nightstalker seem like a mature student, but it was actually just his excuse to come home and finish his novel he was writing. Nightstalker was writing a story about what happens when you go to heaven. He always came back from his murder sprees and wrote. Killing was his cocaine. The life of a ninja gave Nightstalker a lot of enjoyment, but so did being a reliable friend. This was the first time that Nightstalker left without knowing his partner was okay.
When Nightstalker woke up the next morning he arrived at the rendezvous point that him and Santaclies set up for after their castle romp. He waited for hours and hours. He left for a while to see his girlfriend, but he kept tabs his situation like a sniper on recon. Differently then Santaclies, who sucked at throwing, Nightstalker was a marksman thrower. He had the patience of a Saint’s running back. When Kim’s disappearance became known Nightstalker kept his appearance as an emotionless killer.
Nightstalker was torn up inside and felt like a complete mess. He didn’t know the true location of his best friend. It was his job to protect Kim in case something happened to Santaclies. Or was it? “Isn’t it Abe’s responsibility to care for his sister?” he thought. Nightstalker realized he hadn’t even spoken to Abe about Kim since her disappearance. Nightstalker plotted along next to Santaclies, pondering the true involvement of Abe in Santaclies’ disappearance. The port was within sight now.
“Santaclies, how do you think you got caught? I mean, dude, how the FUCK did Kim know you were at the castle? I didn’t even know you were going to do all of extra stuff. Nothing is right anymore. Things haven’t been the same without you man. I’m glad to see you. We’ll get to the bottom of this situation,” Nightstalker said in an indoor voice to the patiently waiting Santaclies. Santaclies looked like a puzzled puzzle piece that doesn’t fit in the puzzle.
Santaclies didn’t care to talk at that moment, as they had just arrived at the port. “I love the sea, I can’t wait. I wonder if the Captain needs help setting sail.” Santaclies absolutely adored sea adventures.
“Ok, but dude, hasn’t Abe been acting strange as of late?” Nightstalker said before he could slap his own face. “I forgot you haven’t been around. Dude, seriously, Abe has been acting weird ever since you two disappeared. He hasn’t been leading very many searches to look for you, and he doesn’t even act as if he cares that his sister is gone. He has been acting like a ghost, but not one of those friendly ghosts, or a ghost with a personality. He is a motionless Ghost, without the abilities to…sorry, I’m rambling again…but do you get my point? You need to talk to him about Kim dude. If I ask him now that you are back, it is crossing the line of privacy dude.”
“He’s still Abe, he commands respect of everyone. I really should ask him about Kim, but isn’t this the mission to get Kim back? How long was I out for?” Santaclies hadn’t even had that thought cross his mind before. How long had it really been?
“Only three days. But he didn’t search for her, believe me, I kept watch, hoping he’d find her, but he just sat around and looked hopelessly at his sword collection and playing with his disks. Just ask him; I think you should want to if you really care about Kim.” Nightstalker was a true “do as I want others to do to me” kind of guy.
“God, shut up, I’ve got a lot on my mind dude,” Santaclies smirked, turned towards Nightstalker’s surprised eyes and said “I know. You mean the best, you always have. I know what I need to do though. Abe must have told her that I was going to the castle. I’ve figured that much out already. I am going to talk to him, tonight; we have a long trip ahead of us.”
Along with the rest of the crew, Santaclies and Night Stalker looked upon Captain Redrum and his magnificent “Voltron: Defender of the Universe”.
“Yarg, who argh you? Santa Claws and his merry little Reindeers? Harg Hardy Har Har!” Captain Redrum vocalized his laugh very confidently.
“Very clever, did you think of that all by yourself? How is that syphilis treating you?” Nightstalker jabbed
“Yeah I heard that your mom gave it to you, that’s why I used protection,” Santaclies added on for the double team.
The cussing and name calling ran rampant until Abe broke it up with a “Hey look, the cabin boys!” Two young boys stood at the top of the stairs. They looked all of the men up and down. They noticed that the Pimp Daddy, Master Fluff was among the crew of men who were going to fight. The two boys looked at each other with fright.
“I call not fucking the black guy this time”. One of the cabin boys said to the other one. The other boy cringed and said “Ok, but I call I don’t get the Priest”. Everyone laughed.
People started to settle into the ship. Those who wanted a turn had a turn with the cabin boys. It became late. The warriors went into the barracks of the ship to rest. Squire Pi went right to sleep without saying a word to anyone. Moz went upstairs to convert the pretty cabin boy into a Priest. Abe went upstairs and chatted with the Ol’ Sea Captain Redrum. Even Daddy Fluff was busy pimping his women out to the crew members. His part in this operation as explained by Abe was to pimp his hoes to the guards to distract them.
Santaclies and Nightstalker sat down at a card table for a game of Hearts with the Thieves to kill time. Eventually Santaclies grew bored and walked out to talk with Abe. Abe was still talking to Captain Redrum. Santaclies approached Abe to ask if he could speak with him in a few minutes alone.
“Hey Abe, could I speak with you a in a few minutes? Alone?”
“Yes, uh, sure, let me finish up with the Captain,” Abe’s eyes looked different then Santaclies had remembered, they were glossy and missing their usual flare. Santaclies turned around and sat down in the Captains chair. Abe walked in and instantly lost his composure and emotions. The tears were flowing from his eyes in a manner that Santaclies thought would have been impossible for a man of his stature.
“I told Kim. I’m so sorry! It is my entire fault my sister got captured. KIM, your wife!” Abe didn’t have the power to stand and he sunk down to the floor. Santaclies empathetically sat down next to him. He had the desire to murder his brother-in-law on the spot, but decided that would be the worst decision he could have ever made. Santaclies decided hearing him out was the best decision he could think of.
“The worst part about it is that I put my Dragon Valor on the line, and it is gone. I broke my code. I can’t even help you guys get her because if I die, then our entire cause is gone. I’m a worthless coward and not worth a piece of shit. I may still have my tough skin, but my powers are all gone. I’m just an average man. But, if you save my sister, not only do you regain her, but I will get my powers back, and I will never lose them again.” Abe promised Santaclies that everything would end up working out, and joked “I’ll put my life on it!”
Santaclies forced a smile and turned around. “So, by saving my fiancés life, I save her older brother? Man, this is complex. Wait, wait? So who is going to be leading the troops?” Santaclies asked this, right on cue, as Moz and Squire Pi entered the cracked open door.
“I think he’s ready” Moz said. Moz grinned and looked at the behemoth man crying on the ground and turned back at Squire Pi. “He’s your man”. Squire Pi looked astonished. It was the first time he had heard this part of the plan. For it was him, Squire Pi who was to lead the men against Lord Slip’s army. Abe and Moz were to stay on the ship incase something happened, and later return to their homes as if nothing happened. Santaclies and Abe were told to leave the room so they could perform a ritual of progression.
The crew of men was summoned to the top of the ship. The newly promoted Heaven Knight Pi was to lead them into battle. The final mission briefing was given. In a moment, the men were off of the boat and taking the secret docking twisting trail that lead to the castle. The ship turned towards the back of the castle and headed right for the chunk of land that the two ninjas could climb on. They did just that, and the pirate ship sailed off. Santaclies and Nightstalker were alone at the castle again.
“Ok, we’ll split up and we’ll meet back at your place in the morning. That is if you don’t get caught again. But hey, I trust you won’t fuck up. I think you’ve learned from your lesson. See you tomorrow with Kim when I get her!” Nightstalker said. This time, he was gone in a flash before Santaclies could mutter good luck.
Nightstalker rushed north towards the chamber of loot, so Santaclies headed towards Lord Slips bathroom. Santaclies snuck up behind the two guards that were playing catch. Santaclies used his sword to cut off one of the guard’s heads, but the other guard was ready to fight. The guard suddenly fell to the ground after putting up a good fight. A ninja star was in his throat. Santaclies looked up towards the Northern tower and saw Nightstalker winking at him.
DAY 3
Abe and Moz were on rout home when the orb on Moz’s scepter started to shake uncontrollably. Within moments it exploded into a million shattered dreams. Moz immediately thought of Santaclies well being. “Oh God…please protect Santaclies.”
Santaclies figured the only way he could kill Lord Slip before the guards could warn him was to use a knife and throw it into his throat, killing him instantly. Faced with the same problem on his first date, fear filled his mind. He had exactly 11 seconds to do his worst skill. Failure was not an option this time. Getting only two steps of momentum, he scaled the wall sideways, and perched on the window sill. Cocking his hand back, something seemed to be amiss.
“What the…?” Santaclies brain-fucked as Lord Slip lay on the floor, blood gushing out of his skull. Apparently Lord Slip slipped on the wet bathroom floor and busted his head open on the corner of the counter. Santaclies was so excited he nearly did a back flip.
In a nearby cage, Kim lay unconscious. Santaclies grabbed Kim and threw her over his shoulder. Sliding down the wall, he couldn’t believe what had happened to him in the last few days. The culmination of his purpose was at his finger tips. The memories of times brought him to a standstill before he decided what to do from there. Santaclies brought Kim to Abe who was waiting at home for them to return. Santaclies bashfully gave his fiancé to his new brother in law.
“Thank you, Santaclies, for returning everything to normal.” Abe’s eyes looked like they did before Santaclies and Kim disappeared. Things were about to change. He was going to be a husband, and soon a father. He had to protect his town. He had to prepare to become a Dragon Knight, and then pass on that skill to his children.
Kim, closed eyed, mouthed out “You were my only hope” with a look of satisfaction. Santaclies left for Kim’s bed to sleep in her scent.
Kim woke up a few hours later. Dazed she got up and moved around. Kim couldn’t see in the dark hall, so she grabbed a torch. Kim walked down the winding path to the door leading outside. Kim then lit Abe’s tower on fire.
Cameron, the town pervert, was on a jailbait rampage, hunting down all of the young tail in town. Unsuspecting, Cameron calmly walked by to see Kim putting fuel to her phoenix flame. Cameron cowardly tried to get away, but in a purely savage killer instinctual attack, Kim caught Cameron and ripped his balls off, then ripped his head open by the jaw. Blood stained hands; Kim’s subconscious was at war with reality.
“You stupid Bitch!” Nightstalker exclaimed as arrived from the shadows. He punched Kim right in the face, knocking her out. “Jesus man, I better go get Santaclies.”
“I knew she was up to something, she was out cold eh? I suspected they brain chipped her dude…she started a fire at Abe’s.” Nightstalker said to the sound asleep Santaclies, wearing only a towel. “Come on man, let’s take her to Moz then put out the fire. Abe is a god-damned Dragon Knight again; fire isn’t going to do anything to him anyway if it takes us a little longer,” Santaclies groaned.
“I guess I’ll have to take her to Moz man, and then we’ll go take care of that fire.” Santaclies humped to the Clinic and gave Kim to Moz. Santaclies then turned to Nightstalker and chuckled. “Hopefully she isn’t a bitch tomorrow morning, since you did hit her. She better not have THAT memory back otherwise she’ll be mad at you for a while. Maybe she won’t let you be my best man.” The two of them shared a laugh that reminded them of their youth. “She’ll be tired tomorrow anyway, tripping fucks you up man. Guess the honeymoon will have to wait.” Santaclies laughed to himself, as they walked towards Abe’s fort, unaware that the murderous newly crowned Duke Slip’s Army was about to onslaught the helpless village.