"Analogy:
Perhaps the reason a phrase becomes trite is because it will always be true. Thus, when you hear the phrase "Women are like cars" and groan, you are groaning because you know it is true and are just ignoring the obvious. In fact, the similarities between women and cars are numerous, so it is time that some of them were explained.
We’ll start with the obvious similarities. Women and cars are both objects, and deserve to be treated as such. Obviously it doesn’t make sense for an object to talk, so if your object talks, be sure to get rid of it immediately.
Second, women and cars are only good for one thing. The ride. The level of pleasure you get from the ride often depends on how it looks and how much mileage you get for your money. Whatever the case, you get complete satisfaction only when the object is completely filled up.
One of the most discouraging similarities between women and cars is their unreliability. It seems that both objects seem to go through periods where they are dysfunctional. During these period they won’t do what you ask of them, and are generally not fun to be around. The only way to solve this problem is to have the object fixed. An effective method of getting the object to do what you want is through slapping - the rear end works best.
Fortunately, cars and women are both easily manipulated. To turn them on, just slip right in. Just press the right buttons and they will do all the work for you. Note that the correct way to ride the object is facing forward, but driving in reverse has its positive features as well. Remember that the object you are driving must always be submissive. If it isn’t, pull out of the situation fast.
Cars and women come in all shapes, colors, and sizes.
One feature that applies to both women and cars is cost. To start, both will cost you a fortune to keep around for a long time. Always remember that, like cars, a woman’s value depreciates greatly after you ride it for the first time. Never invest in either of these objects because in the long run, they just aren’t worth the money.
It is silly to say that women and cars are the exact same thing. It should be known that cars can pick up women, but women can’t pick up cars. The most common thought is that cars seem to have an actual use whereas women don’t. Also women have the unfortunate ability to be able to talk. This makes one further appreciate the benefits of owning a car instead of a woman.
Yeah, women really are a lot like cars. The faster the better. There are also many other remarkable coincidences which makes you wonder: are women and cars the same? NO WAY! Why demean cars?"
I fucking Love Matt Smith, Whoa!
Love, Rob
"I put this on your wall and realized that was not personal enough
Rob, I love you man. You will always be my friend. Just thought I would remind you.
Is what I said.
<3
Naimul"
That made my entire night/day/twodays/week/fortnight/month. If only people expressed friend love more often the world would have less depression and suicides. I really wish that I wasn't such an asshole sometimes, but when I typed that last sentence I thought about having a comma instead of a period and writing "though suicide is a good way of population control." I apologize because that isn't the point, but I laughed so I had to type it.
Anyway, thank you Naimul, I love you and everyone who reads this, more then likely, but I will love you more if you comment, duh.
I went to my first writing group meeting the other day, but it was more of a poetry reading/drunk fest. I read two of the poems that I have up on an earlier blog, but I made one up one 5 minutes before I left using Shawn Kemp, OJ simpson, RyanFyfe, Weezer and the Deftones as inspiration. It got a bigger applause then the well written ones...from women.
So I was having sex the other day
And I couldn't maintain my speed
Sparkle shine eyes disguised her
Enormous Ocean of orgasmic release
So I was having sex the other day
Drenched in her fluids, cock like a wet reed
She blew a tune, the melody began to slur
When I let blow on her favorite fleece
So I was having sex the other day
It was great, we was high on weed
She let me slip and slide around the fur
We accidentally did it in front of her niece
Then that chick got pregnant and I thought about leaving town forever
But I didn't want to move my shit down 3 flights of stairs, so her head I severer
I know, I always ruin the moment, but at least I am never an unnecessary buzz kill.
Love, Rob
Since I have no creative writing classes to enjoy, I figured that I would never ever write again. I was wrong. The other day I was invited to join a very elite writing group started by a few of the most accomplished young writers at the University. So I of course decided to join. I don't think of myself as a true writer, but apparently I impressed enough poets to warrent this. Maybe I can get one of my jokes published.
Ben, my rock and roll all-star roommate, hasn't been around lately because we got a new female neighbor. Her name is Christiane (Chris-Sean). She is a 30 year old Gothic skater who has a CROSS TATTOOED ON HER FOREHEAD. She likes to tell people how she rolls and enjoys engaging in unusual conversations, which strikes me well as I love crazy people, mostly because I'm narcisistic. She has 3 cats, which is great because when I can go play with them whenever I want to. I'm sure they will get sick of me. The cats, not the neighbor and Ben.
It's ok that Ben hasn't been around lately because I have been sick since friday. I got this stupid flu shot when I was in Omaha after my surgery (shoulder is doing ok, thanks for asking) and ever since I got it I have had the vomit shit yourself flu and now the upper-resperatory flu. This invovles not only fevers, lightheadedness and hocking up snot like a mofo, but slight vision splits and lack of ability to read and do homework. Having class on only tuesdays and thursdays hasn't worked out as well as I wish it would, mostly because it seems I that it snows the most on tuesdays.
I wish I wrote down my blog ideas because I had like 5 more that I come up with at times when I don't have the capabilities to do that. Maybe I should carry a note pad with me at all times, like people who are in a writing group.
So the Hornets just won a huge double overtime game against the Suns, and I believe if they aren't in first place they are a half percent away. It is weird that I have a true rooting interest after football season is over, but I do in the Hornets. I predict a championship, and I will wear my Charlotte Hornets hat tommorow in class. Instead of watching that game, I watched UNC lose to fucking Dook. Dook made like every fucking three pointer they put up and tried to give people AIDS. They are lucky Lawson was out. Naimul, I love you.
Love, Rob
P.S. 2 songs into the new Mars Volta cd I am pleased.
P.P.S. Song #7 rocks hard.