Completely unironically, UNC won a title and I am in the need of change again, very similarly to 2005, the last time they won a title. Things have changed a lot since then, perhaps so have I. The major changes in my behavior, not personality, changed right around the time that UNC won the national title, my freshman year. I am still searching for the end year...
Writers block is terrible. It's detrimental to my soul, I'd say. Especially because the closest thing I have to another art form is my Top Spin abilities, which is the best damn Top Spin in the nation. I can conquor Shadow Man and the Tripplets and Gamma Bot Wily quicker than Quickman. The point is through writing I am able to think things out more concretely and perhaps formulate my honest to god opinion on things, instead of waivering like a willow in the wind.
Apathy+Writers Block is really bad too. I don't know if I should post exactly what I have done since 2005, when UNC won the title or more recently the last 2 years, but it has been crazy and full of excitement, both up and down. It sort of trips me out because I haven't felt the way that I have since the 05 UNC Championship year it seems. Prior to this I haven't been at true peace with myself for various reasons. Maybe it is my switch to acknoledging that I am a buddhist, but I feel that life is showing me a path again that I can hilariously connect the dots to if I just look for the signs. Or so it seems, coincidence masturbators would explain out.
Busted Hard-Drive with potential novels worth of material destroyed+Apathy+Writers Block is even worse. When you have already written a lot of things that you would like to build off of, it is hard to go back to where these new ideas that you are currently building, truely came from. You cannot recapture yourself from another time. I can tell the difference in my voice in almost every single piece of writing that I have ever written before, from where I stopped writing it and where I picked it up again, where I added parts or words or changed things.
Bad situation+Busted Hard Drive with potential novels worth of material destroyed+Apathy+Writers Block could not go worse. Yet. Ben was nothing but the best roommate ever and I regret mostly nothing I ever did with him, same with Nate, except Nate is a fucking asshole who completely fucked me. Still love both like brothers. I am not sure which one to defend here, honestly. Ben looks like a god damned hippie stoner, and Nate is an asshole with a heart of Gold. I suppose moving on is a good idea, because hell, no point on focusing on the good here, right? Wrong, but I digress. My living situation after Ben was fun. So fun. I met and made more friends then I could imagine, and I met people who can compare to my Top Spin (metaphor for being great at video games in case you haven't caught on). But stress of partying every day at your own home, especially for me, a basic recluse who needs his space to be at one (meditation loosely, though 99%+ not actual meditation can be obtained or is necessary) caught up with me. Also I was sicker than a dog. And I got bitten and had to witness scary horrible things, butttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt that ends this segment for others privacy, which I respect....Mostly.
Broken Heart+Bad situation+Busted Hard Drive with potential novels worth of material destroyed+Apathy+Writers Block. It sucks to relive things that ruined how you once thought your life went. In my vain actions through my life, we all know I love me some me more than most people do (it's because I am at peace with who I am), I sent numerous people numerous copies of my poetry and rough drafts of Matthew Awesome 3 or scenes from musicals or hell, funny ass things I said in a failed attempt to woo a woman on facebook. So I run into old messages from people that trigger emotions and memories I haven't had in a long time. Then boom goes the dynomite.
Having a broken heart is described best by saying it twice. broken heart. (Editors question: Could that be autological?) That is how it feels. Kano and Laura powers have both been my profile picture on my facebook after breakups, which is pretty immature and I regret doing that. It was different between Angela and I. I got closure and knew she was right in the end, soon after a night of crying.
Manda broke my heart, Not just by being a lesbian. Not just by dating my best non-karly girlfriend right afterwords. Not just by lying about being a lesbian. Not just by not telling me that she probably cheated on me. Not just by almost getting engaged to the guy she probably cheated on me with after she broke up with like 3 other guys and probably girls. Not just by dating the guy she brought over to me the night we started dating. It's not that I called everything that happend before any of it happend because I basically knew after I wrote one of my stories she would not want to be with me anymore because she would take it the wrong way. (Maybe I'm to blame for that last one, foreshadowing...).
It's that she had to re be my friend on facebook, so facebook has to fucking tell me everything that goes on in peoples lives. It's that she had to invite me to her 21st birthday. It's that she had to ask Brian to ask me for her. Quit being a coward and call me like I told you the last time we ever spoke like 2432423 years ago............or maybe I'm the coward and that's what I have been looking for this entire time.
Because it's because I haven't cried once about it.
Facebook, facebook facebook. Did I mention my sister is having twins? Now all my women relatives talk about are facebook pictures. Fucking networking sites and babies. haha, this one time I said the only thing I fear are babies and AIDS. Add network sites to that list.
Did you know the only other girl I've ever thought about getting married to (since I've been logical) is also pregnant with someone who doesn't love hers child? I'm going with the autological word here, again.
But, in all honesty, the only time I've cried other then for a few moments at my grandfathers funeral, since Angela, was when I had to say goodbye to Ktarl and Katana, my beautiful kittens. I'm tearing up as I think about it now...I'm such a pussy. There's a Meta for y'all.
THE GOD DAMNED 0-16 DETROIT LIONS+Broken Heart+Bad situation+Busted Hard Drive with potential novels worth of material destroyed+Apathy+Writers Block. I don't even need to talk about this, but maybe I should. I feel pathetic to feel the way I do about it. But that season drained my mojo, I got so physically/mentally ill during that period, it could not be coincidental, it must have at least contributed.
it is really sad that we put so much into stupid things like sports, but like I have said, you can predict more about the world by watching football then you can by watching cnn. Sports are the most important unimportant thing there is, and we, I especially, sweat the small things, but not the big ones. I think I may have lied. I do not sweat the small things, they do not bother me. I would venture to say I sweat the medium. I need to work on that more. Maybe that is the next step. Worrying about the big things. I don't mean death or marriage or even moving, maybe getting a job that my mom didn't give me would be a good start.
SELF PITY OVER
So, here I am, back home with mom and dad in Omaha, Nebraska. I'm still playing video games a lot, like I was when I was 3. I still don't have a real job, and I am 23. I haven't finished college yet, I have 7 hours left. My computer works, again. I feel like writing. I have found some old pieces to build on. The Detroit Lions have 5 picks in the first 82 (Mock Draft coming soon). But I am not going to sell out my single behavior. My fantasy baseball team is really good looking too. I am the head ref for the city, even though I don't deserve to be (I feel, yet). And one of my teams just won a title. Like they did in 05, Congratulations to the 2009 University of Naimul Chappell Hill Tar Heels. I'd love to see Lawson stay another year. My dad used to play basketball against Tyler's dad, btw. Ask him about it if you ever get the chance.
So. Now things have changed, and there is a possitive outlook on my life. In the future I am supposed to perfom poetry at a peace rally (420 go figure that logic :-) Roflaolfask). There is no excuse for me to not write or progress my thoughts and life experiences anymore, is there?
Quote the Nintendo
"We're working on it".
In tribute to 2005 and the tar heels and my searching old e-mails to find stuff for old works, here are two things from 2005 to gander at. Maybe think about how I have changed since then.
Top 100 video games of all time as of the beginning of 2005.
1. Final Fantasy 7-PS
2. Legend of Zelda Link to the Past-SNES/GBA
3. Super Mario 3-NES/SNES/GBA
4. Mega Man X2-SNES
5. Xenogears-PS
6. Yoshi's Island-SNES/GBA
7. Chrono Trigger-SNES/PS
8. Super Dodge ball-NES version only
9. Mega Man 3-NES/GC
10. Final Fantasy Tactics-PS
11. The Legend of Zelda-NES/GC/GBA
12. Earthbound-SNES
13. Legend of Zelda Ocarina of time-64/GC
14. Mario Tennis-N64
15. Mega Man-NES/GC
16. Final Fantasy 5-PS
17. Halo-XBOX
18. Super Contra-NES
19. Mega Man x-SNES
20. Contra-NES
21. Gunstar Hero’s-Genesis
22. Super Metroid-SNES
23. Super Smash Brothers Melee-GC
24. Contra 3-SNES/GBA
25. River City Ransom-NES
26. Super Mario World-SNES/GBA
27. Punchout!-NES
28. Tony Hawk Pro Skater 2-PS/64/DC
29. Final Fantasy 3 or 6-SNES/PS
30. Super Mario RPG-SNES
31. Mario 64-N64
32. Metroid Prime-GC Matt
33. Final Fantasy 9-PS
34. Castlevania Symphony (OVERRATED)-PS Matt
35. Soul Caliber-DC/Arcade
36. Dragon Warrior-NES/GB
37. Mario Luigi-GBA
38. Lunar 2-Sega CD/PS/Saturn
39. Donkey Kong Country-SNES/GBA
40. Sonic CD-Sega CD
41. Marble Madness-NES/Arcade
42. Secret of Mana-SNES
43. Star Ocean 2-PS
44. Metal Gear Solid-PS
45. Mega Man x4-PS/Saturn
46. Shining Force 2-Genesis
47. Final Fantasy-NES/PS
48. Super Mario Kart-SNES
49. Final Fantasy 8-PS
50. Mega Man 2-NES/GC
51. Streets of Rage 2-Genesis/gamegear
52. Ice hockey-NES
53. Street Fighter Alpha 3-Multiplatform
54. Tetris-Like, all systems
55. X-Men Arcade Game-Arcade
56. Final Fantasy 8-PS
57. Mega Man 4-NES/GC
58. Tekken Tag-PS2
59. The Magical Quest: Staring Mickey Mouse-SNES/GBA
60. Simpsons arcade game-Arcade
61. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 4 Turtles in Time-Arcade/SNES
62. Guardian Hero’s-Saturn
63. FFTA-GBA
64. Goldeneye-64(OVERRATED)
65. Wrecking Crew-NES
66. Rescue Rangers-NES
67. College Football 96-Genesis
68. Saturn Bomberman-Saturn
69. FFX-PS2
70. Animal Crossing-GC
71. Metal Gear Solid 2-PS2/Xbox/GC
72. Crash Team Racing-PS
73. Lunar-Sega CD/PS
74. Skies of Arcadia-DC/GC
75. Super Mario Bros. 2-NES/GBA/SNES
76. Zelda Ages-GB
77. Zelda Seasons-GB
78. Super Punchout!-SNES
79. Mario Kart 64-N64
80. Mega man Zero 2-GBA
81. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Manhattan Project-NES
82. Metroid Fusion-GBA
83. Mega Man 5-NES/GC
84. Bubble Bobble-NES/Arcade
85. Life Force-NES
86. Grandia 2-DC version only
87. Mortal Kombat Trilogy-PS only.
88. Zelda DX-Gameboy
89. Sonic 3 and Knuckles-Genesis/Saturn/GC
90. Marvel V.S. Capcom 2-Arcade/DC
91. Paper Mario-64
92. Super Mario-Arcade/NES
93. Metroid-NES
94. Ninja Gaiden 2-NES
95. Grand Theft Auto: Vice City-PS2 (OVERRATED)
96. Mega man X3-SNES
97. Golden Axe 2-Arcade/Genesis
98. Bugs Bunnies Birthday Blow Out-NES
99. Pac-man-Like Everything
100. NBA JAM TE-Genesis/SNES/Arcade
Stupid essay thing
1. What is your occupation? full time student
>2. What color is your underwear? bgreen
3. What are you listening to
>right now? nothing
>4. What was the last thing you ate? Mac N Cheese
>5. Do you wish on stars? yup
>6. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? blue
>7. What is the weather like right now? shitty
>8. Last person you spoke to on the phone? mommy
>9. Do you like the person who sent this to you? no :-*
>10. How old were you on your last birthday? 19
>11. Favorite drink? Probably Raspberry Lemonaid, only done correctly. Or Chocolate Milshakes spiked.
>12. Favorite sport to watch? fusbol americano
>13. Have you ever dyed your hair? a few times
>14. Do you wear contacts or glasses? rarely
>15. Pets? Lily and fatass chub pheobe
>16. Favorite month? I dunno, May
>17. Favorite food? Italian
>18. What was the last movie you watched? Probably Legally Blonde for about 2 minutes.
>19. Favorite day of the year? Other then christmas, the last day of actual school
>20. What do you do to vent anger? I don't usually
>21. What was your favorite toy as a child? Nintendo
>22. Fall or spring? spring
>24. Cherry or Blueberry? Blueraspberry
>25. Do you want your friends to email you back? I only sent this to karly or whoever else
>26. Who is most likely to respond? I dunno
>27. Who is least likely to respond? I dunno
>28. Living arrangements? Husker Courtyards, which is currently on fire
>29. When was the last time you cried? I have no idea
>30. What is on the bottom of your closet? 120 pairs of shoes (HOLY SHIT KARLY!)
>31. Who is the friend you have had the longest? Karly
>32. What did you do last night? Finished Final Fantasy 1 and watched football and wrote a paper
>33. What are you afraid of? Other then snakes and my brother...nothing really
>34. Plain, cheese or spicy hamburgers? both
>35. Favorite car? I'm not even sure if I have one
>36. Favorite dog breed? Chocolate Lab
>37. Number of keys on your key ring? Varies
>38. How many years at your current job? hahahahaha!
>39. Favorite day of the week? saturday duh!! (word)
>40. How many states have you lived in? 1
>41. How many cities have you lived in? 2
Lots more to come. Slowly but shurely.
Love, Rob
P.S. Who actually read this entire thing?
Posted by rob at April 8, 2009 4:25 AMI am laughing so hard I cant stop. The survey thing at the bottom sent me rollin.... some things havent changed, i think im up to 150 pairs and i have gotten rid of some!! ;) lol. but i read the ENTIRE thing. i love you honey. sometimes life turns us in directions we never imagined and contrary to popular belief everything happens for a reason, reguardless of how we may plan it otherwise. i will be home soon, and hope you can teach me pro baseball, drink some beers with me at the CWS (where UNC will probably be yet again) and teach your nephew all about video games from the beginning.
Posted by: Karly at April 8, 2009 3:44 PMI read it all, every single word... Its good to "hear from you" now that I've moved away...
Hope you are okay.
it sounds like you need to start smoking cigarettes
Posted by: erik at April 8, 2009 5:33 PMLOL love the cnn comment. i'm sure you were thinking of me as you typed that one haha. i would agree tho. after reading this it made me realize how much i actually miss hangin out w/ you. we're so different yet so alike in many ways. i kind of regret not getting high with u more when we lived together lol. then again maybe it was a good thing - haddix could have told my dad that i smoked lol. i think u got it backwards tho... i do have a heart but mainly just an asshole of gold! lol (that is wrong but funny in so many ways)
ps yes i read the whole thing... did u take that survey in 2005 too?
(That servey was from 2005. That was the point, butt-pipe.)
Posted by: nate at April 9, 2009 5:38 PMhey, i read all of this! i surprise myself at how i can focus on things i normally can't when i'm avoiding studying for exams. plus it was interesting.
i know what you mean about writing things and how voice changes once you take a break or come back to it. it is more pronounced for me with music. which is why i have about 17 unfinished songs as of now because whatever the original inspiration for writing the song was, changes. i find out im not in love or there's a coup or whatever. and then if i try to finish it i feel like i'm lying.
example: today in my agrarian change and food politics final, we were asked to write a dialogue that we think would happen if Peterborough called a town-meeting to assess public support for Food Sovereignty initiatives. It was all going swell until I decided to take a 5 min rest. When i got back to writing all I could write was "and then then environmentalists threw fake blood on the feed-lot owners and dropped a banner that said 'EXPECT RESISTANCE'. actually that wasn't that. that was just me giving up. haaha. i was tired. high-stress to low-stress situation. dana was right.
Posted by: jayme at April 9, 2009 8:06 PMshould have done a fictional mail bag.
Pomeroy on friday!
Posted by: Joel at April 14, 2009 11:03 AM