July 9, 2008
It's hard to cry when you have a shotgun in your mouth
A few important issues.
I wish I was still unemployed.
MEGA
Summer school is probably the stupidest thing I've ever done. 5 weeks of 9:00 a.m. M-F for like 3 hours=me not going ever and probably getting like an F+. The plus means better.
MAN
If you heard that I'm growing a moustache, it's all a big lie. The moustache is growing me.
NINE
I have quit my attempt to quit quitting things. This means I am working towards pro-social behavior instead of my own beliefs of what pro-social actually should be, caaaaause socities view of pro-social behavior is kind of not so pro-social. So in other words, I'm attempting to conform, again, to shit that I shouldn't have to conform to. And yes, this needs to be as vague as I'm typing it.
HOLY
I'm going to be in the North Carolina, Virginia area starting next tuesday for 10 days?, so everyone I know who lives there better watch out, cause there is a less than 1% chance I will see you.
SHIT
The list of reading materials have been finalized, with the Odessey joining the other three titles. But I will be workshopping some previous work of mine and thinking of ideas for Erik!!!!!! and I's project, Tommy and I's project, Becker and I's project, etc... and I's project, and my own stuff, poems, short (ish) stories, and coming up with a potential independent project class.
DUDE
My fantasy baseball teams are both now tied for 1st place. B-Bone 1.0, I will give you details of my roster during all-star break because there is this thing that happens whenever I write about a certain player(s) on my fantasy teams that causes them to like die (In Javon Walkers case), so just wait.
!
Love, Rob
P.S. if you are interested, that fantasy story I talked about like 23432423 blogs ago is posted in the extended entry below. This was the one that I handed to my class with two different titles in an attempt to do a psychological research project for my psych behavior class, but there were too many confounding variables to actually have a real, true theory. This is probably my least favorite of the stories I have written, but towards the end it sets up for a second part that could be epic, so that's cool.
Continue reading "It's hard to cry when you have a shotgun in your mouth"
Posted by rob at 1:42 AM | Comments (1)
June 16, 2008
Omega Shinryu Enuo
Subjects Covered:
I'm winning two fantasy baseball leagues
Selling my Summer Video Game List
Dragoons Smiting Dragons
East Asian Tornadoes
Replenishing Religious Retardation
Hey Joel, I'm winning two Baseball Leagues.
Some people don't believe that I beat the original mario when I was 2. They must not know the movie "The Wizard" was written about me...haha.
I've been thinking it over for a long time, and I have decided that I am going to sell a lot of my video games. I own way too many to ever enjoy, etc. As many of you know, I do a "Summer Video Game List" every summer which consists of long RPG's that I've probably played before, but I usually try to play some games I've never played that I've owned for a while or played maybe once or twice and when it was when I was like 12. I made a change of plans for this year and added pointless stupid rules towards my own playing, but I am not replaying any game I have beaten more then 2 times. I divided games and systems into subgroups. I am allowing myself to play the mega man, sonic and mario collections, because why the hell not? But I'm afraid that some of the games I beat I may never own again. It's okay, I'll still keep like, Earthbound (remember that, Dave?) and Xenogears and Zelda games.
So far I have beaten Mega Man 4 for the gameboy, F-zero for the GC, Final Fantasy 5 Advanced for the GBA and Axelay (think R-Type or Gradius or Raiden) for the SNES. I would have a lot more done, but I had forgotten how hard FF5 was, especially the super-ultra-hard-you-can't-beat-them-with-out-level-ing-up-and-becoming-anti-social-for-a-few-weeks-so-you-can-get-items-called-the-Omega Badge and Dragon Seal in the end. FF5 was originally never released in America because it was too hard for americans and was released between the American Final Fantasy 2 and 3. This is because the American Final fantasy 2 and 3 are not really 2 and 3, they are 4 and 6, respecitively. Final Fantasy 5 is the one game that I have ever illegally downloaded that I didn't own.
FF 2, 3 and 5 weren't released here until 5 was ported on the PS. The port sucked ass because of loadtimes, especially after battles, so having it on a cartridge with no load or lag makes it bearable to play. FF5 ADVANCED was made harder by them adding a bonus dungeon with cheap bosses (like one who casts death on himself when you attack him and that completely replenishes his health because he is an "un-dead" character) and a final boss that took me over 6 tries to beat.
It was worth it, as I obtained the "Medal of Smiting". That's almost as bad ass as slaying a dragon in real life.
The next 4 games on the list are Devil May Cry 1 for the PS2, Castlevania Symphony of the Night for the PSX, Shining Force 2 for the Genesis and Rygar for the NES, incase anyone is still reading. Hilarious.
I've been taking a few summer classes so I can graduate in december. One of them was the History of Modern East Asia and I took that with Chubmantha, TLD. He mocked me for having a gross beard that I had not shaven for about 2 months or less and would constantly tell me to shave my neck. Just in-case anyone wanted to know the story behind my awesome fb profile picture.
I'm not a big enough badass to keep that for longer then 2 and a half days, but I still have a moustache.
Now I am taking a 4 hour meteorology lab. This has been very relevant to my life, as I've been witness to many tornado like weather happenins here in Lincoln. Ben my roommate, me and a few others actually went storm chasing in his SUV. At one point we were 5 minutes away from the spot where there was an actual tornado touchdown, or within 100 yards.
One time Naimul BCK and I went to Worlds of Fun and on the way home we had to stop at a gas station because the roads were too tornado filled. We were within like 5-15 tornadoes that were within a 1-15 mile radius. If you had to guess who the person was that cracked jokes and got yelled by the other kids for taking the situation so lightheartedly (you know, because we were about to die), I'm assuming you wouldn't guess Naimul and I. Oh yes, naimul and I got into an argument about who got to drink what soda if we were about to die and no one found the humor in that. This is also relevent in my life today ;-@
Naimul sucks at Bocce Ball, by the way.
If I manage to get a job in-between school and video games and writing, I get to go to NC with my family on some sort of a last family vacation, so that rocks. While I lay on the beach, I plan on reading some "religious text" and learn about something I despise. My friend Jennie let me borrow her copies of both the Tao Te Ching and the Dhammapada. My brother has a leather bound updated bible I would be willing to bet he's bringing anyway I can read. Anything else (Naimul? Jayme? Ellie?)?
Sorry, no poems, though I came up with one that involves a chemistry term that may appear to actually be the adjective version instead of the...verb?
That's right, I'm graduating as an English Major and I don't know what a verb is. God Bless America.
Love, Rob
Posted by rob at 6:12 AM | Comments (4)
May 18, 2008
Forever is not time
For those of you who missed the poetry reading, here are three new ones I read. I may have been a little too drunk to function my mouth without slurring, but ohwell. It was a blast and it ended with another mini-riot. I have glass cuts on both feet.
The androgyny of aesthetic mayhem
Thirteen year old
Want to belong
Look better
Without arising
Wasting your legs
Just lift a finger
Between myspace
And cutting
Just succumb to the
Pressure, be anorexic
Fake or plastic
It’s not just for girls anymore
Sexism divides no disorder
Learn to count calories
It’s fun, less exhausting
Compared to reading
Let alone exercise
Starve your brain from attention
Depress your growth
In both spirit and mind
It’s the American way
Dummy Version
An inverse Narcissist complex
Has manifested
I may never stop
I want to touch them
Never with my hands
The sweat and salt would burn
And I’m not a sadist
Gently caressing my tongue
An ocular massage
Is too much to ask
For a first date
But if I ever find a magic lamp
That is wish number two
If only tap water was as appealing
A nautical voyage would follow
The twinkling north star
On the Azure ocean adventure
Is all the reward I require
I’m lost and I feel Asphyxiation
From lack of breath
Only separation anxiety from your eyes
Can resuscitate me
Gasping for one more look
Delay
Imperative trait is sympathy
Can’t progress society
Evil is always present
So
Be sure
Always
Know your enemies
Other then babies and AIDS
Perceptions are fallible
Remember, family
Is never naïve
Nor threatening
Gain our sophisticated knowledge
A neophyte inside the waves
Experience fresh aged theories in scripture
Ready for the reign of carnage
Ready for the rain of conquest
This is not irony
This is procrastination
Only 24 more hours
til indentured servant training
Maybe next time I'll tell you about how my parents are ripping me a new one. But I have to take a lot of summer school probably...
Love, Rob
Posted by rob at 6:27 PM | Comments (1)
April 26, 2008
Headlines: 4/25/08
New Season of South Park Sucked, but Major Boobage ALL FREAKING TIME classic, best since Christmas Critters. (Notice how I don’t cuss, that’s how serious this is.)
Computers and the Internet ruin art, from cartoons to music to intellectualism. The lack of professionalism is marginalizing the quality of our entertainment. We live in a world of isms. Deal with it?
It has begun. Facebook is the Matrix. When there are applications for the ability to inject a link in my head, I am going to block the fuck out of that application and start believing in the right to bear arms.
That was a joke.
Or was it?
I need to get a job again.
That wasn’t.
It wasn’t.
This is my attempt at writing a blog. I really miss writing, so I will do it this weekend while Ben is on vacation. Speaking of, Facebook has exclusive rights to my California trip, I’m sorry. But know I didn’t punch Nate in the face, even though I should have. For those of you who don’t know, Nate is an asshole. But I’ve forgiven him. I watched that episode of Rocko’s Modern Life the other day (it happens to be Ben’s favorite show so I watch it often) where Rocko is visited by some guy named Dingo who used to beat up Rocko, and Dingo had become a monk and the only way he could move on for his training was to get punched in the face by Rocko. It might have been therapeutic to punch Nate in the face, but I figured Lakers and Hornets tickets and other stuff was good enough.
I’ve been taken hostage with homework for the foreseeable future (I need new 24, btw), but my newfound attachment to WORD.doc has me getting sidetracked and writing poems and short stories again as a way to keep my writing jets going so I don’t lose motivation. This free writing is good since I’m probably performing at this poetry reading May 17th with some of UNL’s finest poet’s. (Who might actually read this secretly, I don’t know), so I need newer material, and maybe some improved old ones.
That’s why I like comments, so I know who reads. I know if the writer is really good, they don’t need an audience other then the intended one anyway (hence why censorship is bad because it changes original art!). I know tailoring what you write to other people can change how you write, but it is just good to know someone cares I guess. Sympathy comments appreciated. But seriously think about this. Good writers shouldn’t be really writing to anyone other then themselves or the original target, who for me, are people I am close with. But censorship has to exist so you can beat unnecessary authorities, or you are planning to kick someone’s ass. Censorship, another necessary evil because of the way our society works, but for the love of god can we cut this PC bullshit?
Illness really sucks, but I got a bill of clean health from my doctor, blood work turned up with no Mono or anything worse/better. I am not dying in any way, shape or form, except for any toxic things I put into my body, which have gigantically depleted, fortunately and unfortunately. I firmly believe in necessary evils, once again. Anyway, I just need better diet and exercise. And I think we as a nation should watch less TV. Yes, I THINK THAT.
Sporting events do not count. But constant Sports Center rerunning does. That being said, if a new season of 24 doesn’t come out soon I’m going to bust my fucking nut. It’s like sexual frustration because good TV/Movie’s/whatever does that to you, so I need that especially with South Park being such a let down this season. Only 2 good episodes and 2 okay ones and 3 bottom of the barrel. But it’s still South Park, and it’s still better then anything. And that’s not fair. I guess I understand how it feels to face the bad side of not giving a full effort when you have all the talent to succeed, but you just don’t care. I believe this is just slang for “Selling Out”, but I have a feeling they will rebound in October.
I’ve kind of lost my will to exercise lately with my injury, and I’ve grown to think swimming for so long with my bad shoulder did a toll on other parts of my body too because I had to use them a lot more and in uncomfortable positions. Or I’m just a walking pussy. But I am young and I need to do something before my body stops working completely and I lose all of my saved muscle from high school, which I have been storing up since…high school. I’m starting to feel like an old fart, because I know I sound like one. I blame Garfield and his cynicism being subliminally implanted in me. No, I love Garfield; he could never do evil to anyone other then everyone.
Taking illnesses out of the equation, which have been abundant this semester, I think I have really figured out why I am the way I am this semester towards homework. I miss creative writing classes like you wouldn’t believe. This Critical Theory class (May be slightly over my head at the moment, but that will change in the next 30 hours {That’s about how long it takes me to finish one of those awesome story video games, btw} because I’m dedicated to getting awesome final grades) I’m taking is probably a good class for me to be in along with my psychology ones, but the other three that I have aren’t worth anything to me (I had to drop a class too). This is the first time that I have ever really thought about how much it sucks that I don’t have more freedom over what classes I have to take, (that’s actually why Ben is going to Seattle, to look at a new school, where he has freedom).
I have to take a bunch of stupid reading classes where I will have to write papers about stupid stories that I don’t want to read. This might sound like I’m dumb and illiterate, but you have to understand that I’m a fucking English Major and I’ve read so many stupid story arcs and unoriginal bullshit that I get sick if I read more then like 5 books a year. Yes, sometimes I do read great books in my classes, but they are few and far between and more importantly video games present stories better then books do. Disprove that. Interaction and music that was purposefully played to fit the image trumps the imagination. You can’t read and close your eyes at the same time. Maybe that’s why having someone read to you is so pleasing, because it lets you get away from reality easier by hearing a story and picturing it yourself. Losing reality rocks, but you have to return eventually. And it’s the saddest moment ever.
Anyway, I miss writing stories for class, a lot. Especially when homework would be to write stories, revise and give advice. That’s like cake. Or writing Poems for class. I did learn a lot in that poetry class, and that is a good thing, isn’t it? It was mostly from reading other students work, which is the biggest perk of taking creative writing classes, because, SOMETIMES, you get something great. I said to my entire class that I could write an essay about why kids are behaving worse and worse the last 5 years in my child-development just because my mom is a pre-school teacher and because of Sun Dawgs. It’s a lot of other stuff too, but you have to lie a lot in class to make your point short. Just like in politics! This chick told me after class I should write it, but I think that would take too much time, I am a busy man.
Damn this blog is long…
And I want to work on my story. It’s a dooozzy.
I said a long time ago I was going to post some of my old works, so I will probably do that soon, it will be this story that you have probably not read. If you want to read some other work, find an old Blog that has extended blog options. You might find my first story that is more out-there then anything I've ever turned into class, or you might find some awesome, awesome jokes/poems.
Love, Rob
P.S. Mom and Dad this is Chasey…
Lion’s off-season is foreboding positively, if that is possible. If Roy Williams is traded, it proves God doesn’t exist. 1st round prediction? If Harvey is on the board and the Lions don’t take him, I’m lost, but I do think they will try to get back into the 1st round because they have a few big gaping holes only, not a lot of small holes. I realize that I just said that DE is the no-brainer possible pick, but DE isn’t a big concern I think, he's just a great talent and Marinelli wants another project to push Five-O I assume. OT, MLB and RB are the only real concerns, because honestly, I don’t think that the secondary is that bad at all anymore, at least safety wise. I don’t think our D-line is as bad as everyone thinks it is, but if we could get Dorsey and trade up somehow, I wouldn’t complain, minus the injury report.
That’s what people said about Adrian Peterson last year. Don’t get me wrong, Calvin Johnson is phenomenal and will be great sooner then later, but if I had know that Kevin Jones wouldn’t be here this year, I would have murdered Matt Millen on the spot. Hindsight, yes, but AP did break the single game rushing record as a rookie. FUCK. (Surprise Pick…Matt Ryan if Stanton has been lost the faith). Hmm, I guess I do read all the time, to keep up with my teams. I am a sports addict. Ha, from Sex to Sports. Maybe I should write the movie “I am a sports-addict”. It might be even sexier. Erin Andrews. She's a number one seed.
Posted by rob at 4:37 AM | Comments (4)
February 28, 2008
Wow...women are like cars has been found!!! Edited to protect the innocent, and I mean me...not Matt Smith, who wrote this like 4 years ago
"Analogy:
Perhaps the reason a phrase becomes trite is because it will always be true. Thus, when you hear the phrase "Women are like cars" and groan, you are groaning because you know it is true and are just ignoring the obvious. In fact, the similarities between women and cars are numerous, so it is time that some of them were explained.
We’ll start with the obvious similarities. Women and cars are both objects, and deserve to be treated as such. Obviously it doesn’t make sense for an object to talk, so if your object talks, be sure to get rid of it immediately.
Second, women and cars are only good for one thing. The ride. The level of pleasure you get from the ride often depends on how it looks and how much mileage you get for your money. Whatever the case, you get complete satisfaction only when the object is completely filled up.
One of the most discouraging similarities between women and cars is their unreliability. It seems that both objects seem to go through periods where they are dysfunctional. During these period they won’t do what you ask of them, and are generally not fun to be around. The only way to solve this problem is to have the object fixed. An effective method of getting the object to do what you want is through slapping - the rear end works best.
Fortunately, cars and women are both easily manipulated. To turn them on, just slip right in. Just press the right buttons and they will do all the work for you. Note that the correct way to ride the object is facing forward, but driving in reverse has its positive features as well. Remember that the object you are driving must always be submissive. If it isn’t, pull out of the situation fast.
Cars and women come in all shapes, colors, and sizes.
One feature that applies to both women and cars is cost. To start, both will cost you a fortune to keep around for a long time. Always remember that, like cars, a woman’s value depreciates greatly after you ride it for the first time. Never invest in either of these objects because in the long run, they just aren’t worth the money.
It is silly to say that women and cars are the exact same thing. It should be known that cars can pick up women, but women can’t pick up cars. The most common thought is that cars seem to have an actual use whereas women don’t. Also women have the unfortunate ability to be able to talk. This makes one further appreciate the benefits of owning a car instead of a woman.
Yeah, women really are a lot like cars. The faster the better. There are also many other remarkable coincidences which makes you wonder: are women and cars the same? NO WAY! Why demean cars?"
I fucking Love Matt Smith, Whoa!
Love, Rob
Posted by rob at 9:24 AM | Comments (8)