Jmac and cheese

Acci-dental records

I was just minding my beezwax, checkin my mail and doing my enter-my-room-and-check-computer-stuff procedure, and I accidentally clicked on the wandyteeth icon resting on my browser. Wholly shit! I had almost forgotten it was there. A new and yet vaguely familiar world exploded onto my computer screen, and drew me in. I soon noticed the faint and insignificant jarble of my roommates speaking in adjacent rooms, but my attention was drawn to something much more powerful. I soon found my fingers working on their own, clicking through accounts of others' lives. A pool of drool began to form on my right thigh, as saliva repelled from my mouth to my desk, and gracefullly cascaded from there to find a resting place on my shorts. Knowledge was pouring into my cranium at an enormous rate. Knowledge of the lives of bloggers. Bloggers with whom I had lived in a world of news and updates and contact despite physical seperation. This reconnection grabbed me by such force that I soon realized I was no longer wearing any clothing. The drool that had so diligantly found its resting place on my kakhi shorts was content to travel the length of my pasty thigh, and work its way down my hairy shins, playing plinko all the way through each follicle. In the backmost part of my mind, I knew that the door to my room was open, but this wasn't important. If passerbys didn't want to see my untanned and winter-worn body in the nude, they could simply look away. But me, I couldn't look away. I had heard of dogs having seizures after being introduced to very cold water after playing outside in the heat of summer. I feared a similar fate. I knew if I looked away suddenly, I was sure to be wriggling on my floor in the nude, choking on my drool. Roommates and visitors would be unenthusiastic and probably unable to help me to safety. The new dove expoliating soap I had recently purchased had made my skin too soft and silky to hold on to, and anyone who touched my skin would waste precious moments of my fleeting life admiring the quality of my skin. No, I couldn't look away. What was I to do? The backmost part of my mind knew it had to do something. It quickly discarded thoughts of open doors, passerbys, and seizing dogs and kicked into action. Before i knew it, I had begun to write a blog, explaining my situation. Half a cry of help, and half a remedy to my extremity, I knew when I typed the last period my mind would finish coping with the shock of the prodigal son returning to family-arity.

i guess we'll see.