Up, Again (never really down yet...) 6:10 a.m. Why? My brain has been launching an all out attack on my ego, and fuck am I confused as ever.
I don't want to be a dirty, little neo-colonialist. I doubt any of us do. But... for lack of an original phrase this little proverb will do: The Road to hell is paved with good intentions. How many more bricks must we lie before we see where the fuck we're going? You know, I remember a time, unfortunately not too many years ago, when I went on a Firestone sponsored trip to Cancun, Mexico. Jesus CHRIST. "...in 1970 a computer selected a thin strip of sand outside of Cancun as the sight on which to build a new city for foreign tourists... it is a place outside of history and geography, where there is no poverty, no memory, and no need to change your dollars." The family business, which has paid for my entire education, health, mass-consumption, transportation, etc. etc., is an oil and tire company whose main suppliers are Firestone and Michelin(Nigeria! Oil! AH!) .
I worked with Liberian Refugees. Firestone has its biggest rubber plantation in Liberia, basically runs a slave plantation on a 99 year contract sucking Liberia of its natural resources which could be used to generate jobs and income to rebuild its country after 17 years of civil war. Thanks Bush, for dancing, and for the Million books you donated. Fair Trade! Less Aid! I'm writing my history paper on the Role of Transnational Corporations (Basically Firestone) in the Liberian Civil War. I'll be sure to post it if anyone is interested.
I study International Development. I worked on a Refugee camp last year, as an 18yo high school grad with no specialized skills or training. Does anyone else take cause with this? I didn't think I was going to save the world. I just knew I wasn't ready for university, that I wanted to help people, and that I wanted to experience a culture other than my own. I had this overwhelming feeling of suffocation and that 'something just wasn't right'. I think many of us have the feeling that something about our culture is horribly wrong, and this sort of priviliged confusion makes us feel guilty for being so unhappy when we have everything we need.
I worked, before the Camp, at a school where Teachers would vow not to cane their students in order to secure aid from the Global North (the first world, developed countries, high-income countries, whatever you want to call it). I didn't think I was a missionary. But we all are.
"While once colonialism was blatant in its dehumanizing of social relationships, notwithstanding the claims of the "civilizing mission," now that same dehumanization takes place under the acceptable, if not desirable, guise of globalized development. The "poor" has come to replace the "savage/native;" the "expert consultant," the "missionary;" "training seminars," mass "baptizing;" the handphone in the pocket, the cross on the altar. But some things--the foreigner's degree, attire, consumer items, etc.--don't change. And what of the "comprador elites," that band of minority mercenaries who symbolized to the colonialist all that was good about what it meant to be the servile "civilized," who served as the faithful mouthpieces of the master? Today, many go by the names of "government functionaries" and "entrepreneurs." Regenerated by these contemporary ideological weapons of the desired human condition, the processes of ordering, of creating orders of inhumanity, carry on with violence intact." - jayan nayar
We live in a world where our everyday actions have far-reaching implications. In the morning we have a cup of coffee (thousands of farmers, pickers, packagers, working 14+ hour days for un-fair trade, to break even, to be in debt) and then maybe we eat a banana and support a banana war in somalia, mexico, brazil, fucking agricultural subsidies... drive our co2 emitting car/or bus to school/work while we throw increased severe weather events/climate change into countries incapable of handling them (i.e. water refugees, flooding in w. africa, droughts, desertification in china) then we spend all day in our institutions eating, learning, pleasuring, fuck, you get the picture. It's not all that bad, we can buy local, drink 'fair trade' coffee, ride our bikes, and public transport isn't so bad... but what i'm getting at is that it is inevitable in a globalized world, while living in the Global North especially to not feel some sort of obligation to those whose lives suffer from our affluence. And I don't want to be the developer/missionary. But I know that something must be done. That I am obligated. If anyone has studied anything about the World Bank/IMF and the Strucutral Adjustment Programmes in the 80s, or the PRSPS of the 90s, the WTO and TRIPS/anything they will understand why I cringe at the thought of working for a Development Agency.
I know not a lot of people read this, but I must say, for all the people who i've non-chalantly said, "Yeah, man, you gotta go to West Africa... it's the shit." I don't know WHY I say this. Maybe because It's a little awkward to call someone a colonizer at a party, or a little fucking uncomfortable to admit that of myself. But, I retract my statement. I'm not saying don't go, but I'm saying, that I do not have the sound-mind or expertise to tell you it's okay travel...
"We think our motives are purer, that in the correct frame of mind, a trip to exotica means independence and not exploitation, as we come and see and -- well, not quite conquer but globalize with every dollar spent. It's easy to say: "My aim is true, my morals are on track," but Christopher Columbus and a million missionaries said so, too. Easy to think it's not corrupting or condescending or anachronistic but cool to collect snapshots of the other, trading smiles with strangers to brag about at dinner parties later: souvenirs. Off we go, from Berkeley and Brooklyn, we Marco Polos, Attilas the Hun, Captains Cook, Rudyard Kiplings with tattoos."
Okay. I'm a colonizer. I know it. My life is a giant orgy with the WTO. But this fact doesn't debilitate me (except, sometimes, with the sleep) and I study and listen and learn so that one day I might understand what course of action to take. Today I talked with two Liberians who I consider my family, who brought me cold water when I had Malaria, who let me sleep in their bed with them after the Armed robbery until I could sleep alone, who love me, and who I love, who changed my life for the better, and who tell me I have changed their lives for the better as well. And I always forget that part.
What I want to know from you guys... what do you think? I realize this may, in particular, strike a chord with Joelie, as he is going off to peace-corps it. While the peace-corps was originally founded in the 60's (first peace corps volunteer ever worked with Kwame Nkrumah in Ghana) as America's new policy enforcers, you can have a good experience. You can be good. That's how I get through every day, telling myself that. Because I've met some volunteers who had great impacts in their placements, I've also read stories of volunteers who've been asked to spy by the US embassay. Naimul? Dave? Dana? Joel? I know you all are intelligent, well educated, and have travelled. If you could even just point me in the direction of some good literature on the subject matter?
I met some amazing people three weeks ago at a conference put on by my Univesrity and one guy told me, "Never go anywhere (to work) unless you're invited". I like that. And realize that when we travel (or volunteer) that we are taking from these people, we are taking their experience, and knowledge, and using it for our own growth, and that we are indebted to these people. The problem is I just don't know how to repay them without maybe further entrenching them in a system which is built against them.
I'm really annoyed with how this all came out. I've reread this, and I sound (oh, god) like an uneducated 14 year old trend-following leftist who, self-righteous off of refusing to buy Starbucks coffee, nails fresh with black paint from Hot-Topic, is pointing fingers. Please realize that I haven't fully articulated myself, I've digressed, I've rambled, I haven't slept, like Rob, I'm just tired. And that while I may come off a bit craz-o I am okay, and I feel like i'm on the right path (finish school, move to liberia, work with locals) it's just constant reflection is necessary, and I respect your opinions, and I would really hope that we could all have an open dialogue about this, and many of the other issues we all might think about. There is so much more to give than white-guilt.
